So for those who know me and those who happen to follow me on Instagram, you know that I am a very emotional, ridiculously mushy, sensitive, and super sentimental person. I am a hugger when I meet you, and a squeezer if I like you! (I’m also a leg squisher if you sit beside me during anything funny) I wear my heart on my sleeve. Some may even say I'm a bit cheesy, but I don't mean to be. It's not fake, or put on, it is simply the way I am wired. My brother makes fun of me and my mushiness all the time. My kids know no different, and have grown to expect it. I seriously think that if just for one day, I didn't cry, they would freak out! I cry when I'm happy, when I'm sad, or when I laugh too hard. (which for the record, is my very favourite reason.) I’m the girl that blubbers while watching movies, or TV, even while watching commercials. And I’ve always been this way. My kids call me a "Cry Baby!"
Since becoming a mother, all those emotions have quadrupled! Wowza! When I think of my children growing up, I cry. When I think back to them being tiny and falling sleep in my arms, I cry. When I think about them getting married, and having a life and family of their own..surprise, surprise, I cry! ;) Since the day I gave birth, I have never been able to hear or read a story about a sick or hurt child, without thinking of that child and the family, and then back again to my own kids, without copious amounts of tears streaming down my face. I think that’s the hardest part about having children, whether you are a softy like me, or not. Even the thought of your child in any sort of pain is crippling. I would, without hesitation, give my life for theirs. When I had O’Shae and then Jayde, it was like a whole other chamber of my heart opened up. One I didn't even know was there. I thought there was room in the space provided and that they would fit, but this love is too big. It is so strong, that it requires a space of it's own. Don’t get me wrong, I knew I would love them like crazy...but no one could prepare me for just how crazy this love really was. There are these moments when I look at my kids in the backseat of the car, or while they are snuggled in bed, and I am completely overcome with an indescribable, all consuming love, and I get all chocked up. It's magic. And I say magic because there are no two people on this earth who I adore more, who at the same time can make me as mad as they can. Whether it be the messes, the attitudes, the two of them fighting, or the never ending outfit battles, no one can boil my blood like they can! But then after it’s all said and done, I look at them and all I feel is that love. The anger that was so strong, is gone. It's kind of of like labour…although you don't completely forget it, you do just enough to go though it all again.
When my kids have grown, and have kids of their own, only then will they truly understand what this love really feels like. And if their anything like me, they will look back at their children in the backseat of their car, and will be overcome with an indescribable all consuming love, and get all chocked up. Maybe then, their momma won't seem like such a 'Cry Baby' after all;)